Emotions 2
by KrisCatherine
Summary: Sam's POV.. Part 2 to Emotions 1


Title: Emotions 2

Author: Kris

Email: [KrisCatherine@stargatesg-1.com][1]

Sequel: Emotions part 1

Category: S/J, D/Janet

Spoilers: D & C, Window of Opportunity 

Rating: PG13

Special Thanks:

Authors Notes: You should read Emotions 1 first.

Now on with the story

So here I get, alone at home, yeah alone. Not what you expected? Well it is what I expected. I didn't think Jack would come over here and confess his undying love for me. I think he is as confused about the whole situation as I am. I think we need some time. I just hate this terrible alone feeling, I have had enough of it. Isn't it time for me to be happy?

I am sitting here on my couch with my laptop on my lap, fire in the fireplace and some white wine sitting on my coffee table. How I wish… I don't know what I wish for actually, I want so many things, but I am also so happy with the way things are now.

You could say I am scared. Yes I am scared of a lot of things, like what if the gou'ld finally attacked this planet again, and we could protect it, like what if Jack actually came over here tonight, like… There is just so much more that scares me, not that I would ever tell anyone, though. I know the guys respect me, they trust me with their lives, I just have trouble saying 'I am scared' in front of them. I am supposed to be the tough as nails Major.

I miss having someone here to talk to, to help me through the tough times, who will love me no matter what happens. I want that, is it too much to ask? Yes I am crying again, I can't help it. Janet called me before, to see how I was. She knew I was, still am upset about what happened to Martouf, I feel like I lost a brother, well not a brother, Daniel is a brother, more like a friend, a good friend.

A knock at my door invaded my thoughts, and I set my glass and laptop on the table. Janet said she would be coming over later on if she got off base on time. I hope she did. As much as I want this visitor to be Jack, I am not sure if I am ready. After everything that has happened, I know I should be ready, but for some reason…I don't know.

I open the door to Janet, and a bottle of wine. She really knows me well, what a god friend.

"Hi." She says as I move aside for her to come into my home.

I can see her look around taking in my surroundings and turning back towards me. As she set her coat on the back ok one of my stools at the breakfast nook and asks me if I was waiting for someone else to show up.

"I was just writing." I whispered and went into the kitchen to get her a wineglass.

"Whatcha writing?" She asks me as we sit down on the couch watching the flames dance over the logs.

"Just a journal Janet, nothing important." I say closing my laptop and pushing it further back on my coffee table.

"Do you want to talk Sam?"

Do I want to talk? That's a loaded question Janet, but yeah I think I do, and I can tell so does she. After everything that has happened to Jack and me over the last well few days, I also know that the world doesn't revolve around us. There is something that Janet needs to talk about too.

"So, how are things on base?" I ask as I rest my feet on the table in front of us.

"They are the same as when you left earlier." She says as she copied my actions as rested her feet next to mine.

We sat in silence for what seemed a while, just each of us taking in the company of each other, relaxing. It was Janet that spoke first.

"Sam?"

"Yeah." I say as I take another sip of wine.

"I am sorry about this afternoon." She says to me, I know she means it. 

"For what Janet, nothing that happened was your fault."

"So you say Sam."

I turn to look at her, wondering why she thought anything that had transpired today was her fault. I am confused, and I am sure my expression is letting her know that fact.

"Janet, how do you think anything was your fault."

She sighs and looks down at her glass for a moment before answering, "Ah well let's see Sam, I couldn't detect if any of you were truthfully zatarcs or not. And even if I could I couldn't help you."

"Janet, you did all you could do, I don't blame you, neither does Jack or General Hammond, Teal'c or Daniel for that matter."

"Then Martouf…" She let the sentence trail off. Martouf, that's a whole entire different topic.

"I know Janet, I killed him." I say sadly as I look away.

"Sam, you didn't do anything wrong. He was going to kill the president and anyone else who got in his way. We knew the consequences, so did Martouf."

"Yeah I know, but for some reason I can't get it out of my head that I killed him, that there might have been a way to help him."

"There wasn't Sam, we know that, we have proof that the device is self destructive."

"I lost a good friend Janet, he was…" I pause not knowing what exactly he was except a good friend. She knows what I am talking about anyway; I can see it in her expression.

"I know how you felt about him Sam."

I look down at my glass, empty, that is not good; a wineglass should never be empty. So I make my way back to the kitchen to get the bottle of red Janet brought with her.

I look back at my best friend; he had wrapped her feet under herself and sat even further back into the cushions of my couch. She had her eyes closed and was resting the edge of the wineglass against her chin. Janet looked lost.

I slowly make my way back over to her and sit down on the couch. 

"Here." I say motioning to her empty glass.

"Thanks Sam."

"No problem Janet, what are friends for." I say as I look over at her after filling my glass as well.

"You know with all of Jolinar's memories of Martouf, I have been so confused lately, well actually every time Martouf would come here."

"I don't understand?" She had to ask I knew she wouldn't understand what it felt like to have another entire set of memories trapped inside you.

"It's hard to describe Janet."

"I know Sam, we have talked about some of this before. I know it must be hard." 

"It's like having another person inside your head, feeling their emotions, which mind you I understand more than my own feelings and emotions."

"You do?" I knew she would want to know more. I think ever since Janet was assigned to the SGC she has had this uncontrollable curiosity about the gou'ld. It's like she has to devour every little piece of information she can get her hands on. I don't blame her either, I have done the same, on most parts anyway. They still scare the hell out of me, and most of their actions are grotesque and inhuman.

"Yeah, its simple, she did what she had to do to stay alive, to stay with Martouf. She loved him pure and simple."

"Must be nice." Janet said as she took a long sip of wine almost downing the entire glass.

"Yeah I know." I say and follow suit. "I feel so guilty Janet." I tell her the truth, my eyes filling with tears.

She looks over at me and sets her glass down before moving closer to me. "I know Sam, but there is nothing to feel guilty about, you did the right thing."

"I miss him Janet, I killed him." I told her as she wrapped her arms around me and embraced me. I know crying isn't a normal thing for me, but I can't help it. I killed my friend. I think she understands, being a doctor, and being in the military, and being a friend. She liked Martouf too.

"But he will always be in here Sam, he never really is gone." She says and points to my heart.

I smile at her and lean back into the cushions. We are both silent for a bit and I reach over and rest my hand on hers, "Thanks Janet."

"For what?"

"For being my friend."

She smiles at me, tears in her eyes as well.

We end up talking about Martouf and whatnot for a while longer, for some reason I needed to get everything off my chest, all the emotions, the feelings, everything about Jolinar, that I have never told anyone before. I guess it was the right time, you know what I mean. I don't think after what happened I could handle it alone anymore.

Some how we talked our way to our present social lives or lack of. I have no idea how we got to this topic, but I knew it couldn't have been avoided. At this point I am not sure I wanted to avoid it, and I don't think Janet wanted to either.

"You know Sam, I always thought the Air Force as my career, as my life." She looks at me, "Until I was assigned to the SGC and I met you guys." She laughed, and so did I.

"Same here Janet, everything happened so fast, I wanted to join NASA, but instead I ended up here on this track in life."

"When we found Cassie, it was like it opened something up inside me that I never thought about, something that I never thought I wanted."

"To be a mother? I haven't thought about that option before." I finish quietly hoping she won't catch what I have said.

"Yeah, I can't believe how happy I am to have her in my life." She paused and looked at me. "Why haven't you thought about it before Sam? I mean doesn't every woman think about becoming a mother at some time during their life?

I look away for a moment, not sure on how to go about telling Janet what I am about to say. So I take her approach, direct, that's the best way, right?

"I guess Janet, if you can have children, that is." 

"What? Sam are you serious?" She is concerned. I know as my doctor I should have said at least something to her.

"Yeah."

"I am sorry Sam, do you want to talk about it?"

"It was a long time ago Janet, I had a miscarriage, and the doctor's said that I would not be able to have children anymore." 

"Oh Sam, I am really sorry."

"Yeah well, I have gotten over it basically anyway." I pause and watch my friend, "Anyway motherhood opens another whole can of worms."

"Yeah it does Sam. I mean I am not sure if I want to even open it, I mean after Cassie and everything."

"What do you mean Janet?" Duh Sam, come on think about it. Janet is what a few years older then you are, a single mom trying to raise a daughter, and whose career is the military, and hasn't had any sort of social life for about as long as you have. What do you think she is talking about?

"I mean Sam, have you ever thought about our lack of social lives, lack of men in our lives? I couldn't have an infant by myself."

"Does the word military mean anything?"

"Yeah but Sam, I don't know." Janet readjusted herself to face me, "Don't get me wrong, I am in this till the end, but I just want to have someone in my life, someone to come home to at night, someone to talk to, to love." Janet looked right at me then. "You know what I mean?"

The truth is I know exactly what she is talking about. 

"Yeah, yeah I do Janet. Scary huh?"

"No, I am just glad that I am not the only one who is going through this. I am to old for any relationships that are just flings on the side."

I have to laugh, Janet can be the most blunt and to the point person I know, and I love her for it.

"So Janet, who is this person you are talking about? I mean there has to be someone…"

She just looks at me and smiles. Ha there is someone she is thinking about, I wonder if is Daniel? 

"Oh come on Janet, tell me? Please?" I ask as I hold the bottle of wine away from her.

"Give me that." Janet demands as she reaches for the wine. 

"No, not until you tell me…or am I going to have to guess."

"Fine guess, let's see you put all those years of education to use Major Carter."

I know she is joking, and she's right.

"Okay, could it be someone, let's say in SG1?"

She blushes at my guess, okay question number two.

"Could it be let's see Teal'c?"

"Oh god no." I look at her strangely, "Oh don't get me wrong Sam, he's a good friend, but I just don't see him that way."

"Okay well how about Colonel O'Neill?" I had to ask, and I find myself dreading her answer for some reason, even though I know the answer already.

She studies me for a minute; I know what Janet is looking for. She is waiting for me to crack. Right now I am not sure I can control myself enough not to crack. Damn this wine is good.

Janet looks at me funny then smiles. For some reason I know I just gave something way in my expression. Oh well.

"Well no it's not Colonel O'Neill, but I think I know someone who does have feelings for him." She says and points towards me.

Time to change the subject, back to you Janet.

"I can rule out General Hammond because he is already married."

"Thank god." Janet laughs.

"So that leaves one person then."

"Yeah it does."

"Janet, why don't you tell him?"

"Because Sam, he is still in love with his wife. And as long as he is, there is no chance for me." Janet finished sadly. She turned away and looked back at the fire that was demanding attention.

"Janet, he has spoken to me some about her." I looked over at my friend, she is hurting, and her feelings run deep for Daniel, I always knew they did.

"Well at least he has talked with someone. I tried Sam, but he wouldn't talk to me." 

Oh Janet, I am sorry. I rest a hand on her shoulder and gently rub away any pain she is feeling. At least I try too.

"It's complicated, Daniel is complicated. He cares so deeply for a lot of things, and because of that, when he gets hurt or is hurting he tends to shut out his emotions or people he cares deeply for."

"But why Sam, I mean doesn't he know that he is hurting them in return?"

"I think he does this in fear of hurting them in the long run. That they might end up like Sha're or…"

"I don't think that will happen to me…" Janet says as she looks at her hands for a moment.

"I know, but that's what he is thinking. That if he doesn't get involved nothing is going to happen to you, that you won't end up like Sha're."

"Doesn't he know he is still hurting me in the long run?"

"No he doesn't." I pause choosing my words the right way, "You know I can see the way he looks at you Janet. The way he watches you, listens to every word you say."

She smiles at this and I continue, "I saw it when you were telling me that Colonel O'Neill was going to go through the procedure that Lt. Astor went through."

"God that was awful, I am so sorry about that. He ordered us not to let you out of the room."

"It's okay Janet, I think I understand." I look over, "And don't change the subject."

"Sorry all mighty Sam, won't happen again." 

"I think we had to much to drink, glad it's the weekend."

"Me too, off base for the entire weekend, none of the guys here."

I smile at her again, this is nice. Sitting here with my best friend, talking, sharing a bottle of wine together.

"You know Janet, you should ask Daniel over for dinner sometime…"

"I don't know Sam…"

"Yes you do, look I'll invite him over here for dinner, you cam show up too, and we will take it from there."

She looks at me strangely, to much wine I think. "You have to tell yourself what you are feeling before you can admit anything to Daniel. That's the first step."

Yup here comes another look from Janet. I can see the wheels turning in her mind right now. 

I bring my glass up to my lips, "So Janet what do you feel?" I push her, trying to get some sort of admission out of her.

"I think I love him…" Janet whispers. Although I am not quite sure that's what she said. I am not going to push her anymore. She looks at me then and I can tell she is crying. 

I feel bad now, I mean really bad. I rest a careful hand on her back to get her to look back at me.

"Janet…" I begin. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to push."

I hear her sniffle and look back at me. I run my hand down her arm, "I am sorry though. I do know what you are going through."

After some silence Janet speaks up again, "Will you help me Sam."

"Of course Janet, what are friends for." I tell her as I hold her hand in mine.

"And maybe I can help you with Colonel O'Neill."

Direct, to the point Janet. I smile, glad she's back.

"What do you mean by that Doctor Fraiser?" I ask smugly.

"Oh come on Sam, you know exactly what I am talking about." She takes a sip, "Remember I am going through the same exact thing."

I pour another glass for myself and for Janet, and look at the empty bottle.

"Janet, what did you put in this wine?"

"Nothing, I just pulled out one of my better wines that all."

"Only the good stuff for your friends huh?"

"Yeah." She paused, "So Sam, since you grilled me about Daniel, what's going on between you and Jack?"

I look at her for a moment, "What you don't him Jack? That is his name if I remember correctly."

"Yeah it is. This is more complicated than you and Daniel, Janet."

"I know regulations and all that jazz."

"Yeah, and plus a million other things."

"What's the problem Sam? I mean you both admitted as much the other day."

"I know Janet, believe me I know."

"So what's the problem Sam? Don't you think you both need to be happy for once?"

"I do, I really do, but…"

"But what Sam, you just got through telling me that I have to recognize my feelings before I can admit them to him. Well it looks like you already admitted them to each other; it looks like you admitted them to yourselves. But why on earth are you two acting like there is nothing between you two?"

"With the regulations Janet, we could get into serious trouble. I don't want anything to happen to his career or to mine."

"Oh Sam please, what could happen? Do you really think General Hammond would break up his best team?"

I look at her questionably. I know he wouldn't do that, unless he was forced to. 

My silence prompted more questions from Janet.

"Sam, I wanted to say I was sorry that everything had to happen like it did yesterday. I don't know…I felt really bad. I knew how you felt about him, I knew how he felt about you… I wish I could have stopped all of that from happening."

"Janet there is nothing you could have done. We needed to tell everything, otherwise Jack would have probably been killed, and I'd be still asleep."

"I know Sam, I just wish it was under better circumstances for you both."

"Me too."

"What did you say to him right before I walked in?"

"I told him that all of that would not leave that room."

"And he agreed?" Janet asks, me pondering why O'Neill would or Sam for that matter say that, knowing that in the long run it wouldn't.

"Yeah he asked me if I was okay with it. What was I supposed to say with a room full of people?" I looked at her pleadingly. This is so hard, I am so confused.

"Are you okay with it?" Janet asked, stupid question though. 

Am I okay with it? I repeat over in my head, I think I repeated it out loud because Janet looked at me. I know my eyes were filling with tears again, I can't see straight.

"Oh Sam, I am so sorry honey." She said as she pulled me into am embrace, and I cried. I cried for the time I was missing with Jack, all the good times, all the love, and for the future we couldn't have.

"God Janet, I need him so bad." I tell her in between my cries into her shoulder. It's the truth I do need him, I need him more than I have ever known.

We talk for a while longer before Janet notices the time and yawns. I know I am exhausted and I can tell she is as well. Monday morning we have a mission, I know it's time for bed. But I doubt I will get any kind of sleep tonight.

"Janet, stay here tonight, you can have the sofa bed."

"You sure Sam?"

"I don't want you driving home. Please stay here." I plead with her, I really don't want to be alone, and having Janet here, well the house doesn't feel so empty.

I made the bed for her and gave her a pair of sweat pants and t-shirt for her to sleep in.

As I turn to head to bed myself I turn around, "Janet?"

"Yeah…"

"Thanks for everything. You are a wonderful friend."

She smiles at me, "So are you Sam."

"Night."

As I close the door to my room I sat down on the bed, it was going to be a long night. 

The next morning I wake up to someone walking down my hallway. The footsteps are heavy; it's definitely a man. Suddenly terrified I look over at the clock and to where my phone should be laying to find out its not there. And Janet is in the living room, alone. The footsteps are getting closer, from what I can tell they are right outside my door.

I lay back down and close my eyes, willing for who ever it is to leave us alone. Then I figure I can take them with a surprise attack, if they think I am asleep until that very moment, maybe I can get away and get Janet out of here.

The person slowly makes their way into my room, I recognize the cologne, and but then again it's a pretty common cologne as well. It smells like Colonel O'Neill.

I feel the edge of the bed sag under their weight, but for some reason I can't open my eyes, I can't force myself to act in self-defense…why?

Suddenly I feel a hand run it's course down my cheek and I find myself unconsciously leaning into the sensation. Why is my body acting this way?

"Sam?" I hear him whisper. It's Jack. I let out the breathe I was holding and sigh.

"Mmm."

"Sam, come on wake up."

"Jack?"

"It's me Sam."

I open my eyes at this time and look right into his eyes and smile. It is so nice to wake up and have him here with me. How I want this every day.

"I know." I pause and look over at the window, it's light out. "What are you doing here?" I ask him, wondering.

"I thought you needed to get away for the day, do something different, have fun."

"So you thought you would sneak into my home early on a Saturday morning and scare me half to death to tell me that you are taking me out for the day?"

"Yeah, come on get up."

I snuggle back into the covers and shut my eyes again. I don't want to do anywhere.

"Sam please?" Jack pleads with me. "I want to spend some time with you." He says quietly. I know he means what he is saying.

"Janet is here, I can't just leave her here alone."

"Danny is with me, he's waking her now."

My eyes open a bit faster then I would of liked and I immediately regret it. 

"Ow." I say and try to sit up.

"How much did you and the good ole Doc drink last night?" He asks me.

"A bit to much you would think."

"What were you running from?" He asks quietly.

"I get very far, you are still here and I know that you aren't going anywhere."

"I don't want to go anywhere."

"I don't want you to, I need you here." I say to him.

"Come on get dressed."

"Okay" I accept his hand and stand up. He immediately pulls me into an embrace and we stay like that for a few moments. I could really get used to this. But I think jack senses that I need to take this slow. Thankfully he agrees and tells me so. 

I turn and make my way to the kitchen for some juice. I hate cotton mouth.

I had forgotten that Jack just said that Daniel was out here with Janet. I guess you could say I was a bit caught off guard by what I saw in front of me. Remind me not to drink that much again, I hate when my senses and reflexes are delayed.

When I stopped dead in my tracks I saw Daniel sitting on the edge of the bed like Jack was just doing in my room. He was slowly moving a few pieces of her hair away from her eyes carefully, gently, lovingly. Janet wasn't awake yet, but she was beginning to stir. Daniel stops and looks down at her with a small smile on his face. This man truly loves her, I can tell. As his finger trails its path down her cheek she opens her eyes and looks at him. 

"Hi." Daniel whispers and rested a hand in hers.

"Hi." She said just realizing that Daniel was actually here with her.

He just watcher her wake up from full nights sleeps. This was something that I could tell that he could get used to. His expression told everything I needed to know. 

Once she was awake Janet tried to sit up a little further and Daniel let her. 

"What are you doing here?" She asks softly as if trying to keep her voice down from waking me.

"I came with Jack, we thought we would take you and Sam out for the day, to get away from things, have some fun." 

"Colonel O'Neill is here?" Daniel looked up for a second and spotted me and smiled.

"Yeah," He paused, "Hey Sam." Daniel raised his one hand and gave me a small wave before he looks back down at Janet again. I noticed their hands were still entwined together.

"Hi Daniel." I say as I felt jack come up from behind me and run a hand down my back and come to rest on my waist. 

After an hour I am ready to go and waiting for Daniel and Janet to arrive back here. I hope today is going to be fun, I know we all need it.

******************

Well it's a week, from what it feels like since I have written here. According to all dates the Tok'ra gave us, its been over three months since we have been out of contact. I am really glad it wasn't an emergency. 

We were stuck in a time loop, and only Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c could remember the effects of it. Myself and the rest of the base forgot whatever happened during the loop the next time around. To bad really, I would have loved to find out what I did. 

Well I guess I better fill you in on what happened that day when Jack and Daniel showed up and took us out for the day. 

From what I found out Daniel had gone to Jack for advice about what to do about Janet. From what he told me Daniel has been at ends with himself over Janet for about two and a half years now. Poor guy, but I do know how he feels.

So the next thing Daniel knew Jack was asking him if he wanted to get together with Janet the following day. Daniel didn't know what to say. Leave it to Daniel to know exactly what he wants but be to shy to do anything about it. Sounds like me actually.

Anyway Jack offered for all of us to do something together. I guess they asked Teal'c if he wanted to join them, but General Hammond had sent him out on a mission with SG5. To bad really, it has been to long since all of us did anything together off base. 

So there we sat in Jack's jeep, Daniel and Janet in the back seat and Jack and I in the front. I couldn't hear what they were talking about, whatever it was, was private. I heard Janet actually laughing at some of Daniel's attempts of jokes. I leaned my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. Jack must have noticed because he reached across and rested a hand on top of mine.

"Are you okay Sam?" He asked me trying to keep his eyes on the road.

"Yeah I am." I looked over at him and saw concern, longing, love, and much more in his eyes, "I am just thinking."

"You do that to much Sam, relax for today, please?"

"Sure." I say and reward him with a full-fledged smile.

"What were you thinking about?" He asks me about five minutes later. It was like the suspense was killing him and he needed to know.

"A bunch of things actually."

"Care to enlighten an old man?"

"I was just thinking about last week, in the lab room, about what happened."

"Sam…"

"I know, it's just…"

"Hard, I know, believe me I know." He rests a hand on my cheek and I lean into the sensation once again.

"What are we going to do?" I manage to whisper.

He sighs and pulls his hand away to turn on his directional and stops the jeep.

"For today, have fun." He says and helps me out of the car.

We ended up having a lot of fun that day. We went hiking in the mountains and had a picnic lunch at the top. Then when we reached the bottom Jack decided to treat us all to dinner, whatever we wanted. I am beginning to wonder what got into him.

Daniel and Janet were for the most part unseperateable. It was like they were glued to hip. Not that, that is a bad thing, although I felt a little jealous of them. Janet had asked me what was wrong and for once I didn't dance around the answer, I told her straight out. 

For once they actually got close, they talked and for what I can tell everything is going to be just fine between Janet and Daniel. They deserved it.

As for Colonel O'Neill and myself (whom do I refer to him as Jack in one sentence and Colonel in another? I need to find out though.) Well we did get a lot closer, he held my hands and took a greater attention in me, in what I was saying or doing. We talked too, which I thought was a good sign. Ever since the zatarc episode, we hadn't that much time alone to talk. 

That next Monday we went on another mission. (Sorry I can't give you much detail) That's when we got stuck in the time loop. After three months of looping, Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c with the help of Daniel found out how to stop the loop. 

As we sit in the briefing room he is looking at me with this expression of pure want and need in his eyes. It's like we did something during the loop that we normally wouldn't. And I am dying to find out what.

After the debriefing General Hammond put us on stand down considering we have had over three months of active duty. Although I can't remember the last three months, I have a feeling that O'Neill and Teal'c needs a break from everything.

I thin its time to find out what happened during those three months of loop time. Maybe we ALL can actually get together this time.

A smile crosses my face as Janet walked by me and gave me a strange look. I hear her stop and turn around as I mentally count down till she says…

"Sam." Bingo!

I turn around and walk almost right into her.

"Yes Janet?"

"I was wondering since you are on down time if you want to do something?"

"We were all thinking about going out together why don't you join us?"

She looked around for a moment, like she was considering my offer. I rest a hand on her arm, "Janet?"

"Yeah I'll go with you, when are ya leaving?"

Janet is always the first one to accept an invitation, I love that about her.

"We aren't leaving until about eight, I am on my way to my apartment to change." I motion to the green fatigues I am now wearing, and make a face.

"Good choice Sam, but I don't think I have time to run all the way home."

"That's fine, change here then you can ride with me." I pause and take a step closer to her so that passing Airmen can't hear us, "Plus I don't think Daniel will care what you wear." I finish and smile at my friend.

Janet just looked up at me, surprised for some reason.

She came back to my place with me after changing, it's amazing how fast we can totally change into a totally different person in less then five minutes. Well at least Janet can, I usually can too, but with the added help of my 'best friend' here to help, it took a little longer then usual.

I dealt with Janet's "Oh come on Sam, you have got to be kidding me' and her "I don't think so' expressions till I settled for the only outfit she thought was good enough for tonight. 

AS I look at myself in the full-length mirror, I am not really sure what to think, only that I am over dressed. We are only going out with my teammates, my best friends, family even… Why Janet do I look like this?

"Because Sam, look at you.." She points to me in the mirror, "You are beautiful, you should dress like this more often when you are on down time."

"Oh like I go out all the time Janet, I usually just stay here or go over to Jack's…" I trail off knowing exactly why I am standing here in dark chocolate brown almost suede pants and a matching form fitting sweater. "And doesn't warrant me dressing like this." Great am I trying to convince her or myself?

She notices my expression change; I saw it as well. It's not like I am upset about the fact, I am not. 

"Oh come on Sam, he can't be that bad."

I smile no he is definitely not. 

"Then what's the problem Sam, isn't he worth it?"

Yes he is worth it, many times over. That's the problem.

"Sam for one night forget about everything, just go out be yourself, and go from there." She says as turns away from the mirror and me.

"Is what you are going to do Janet?"

Janet stops in her tracks; 'gotcha' and turns on her heal. A wide smile crosses her face. Yup that is exactly what she is going to do. But with a bit more ease then the Colonel and I. They have no regulations holding them apart. Suddenly I find myself envious of Janet and my gaze falls to the floor in shame. Well not really shame, but Janet is my best friend, I shouldn't be jealous. 

She comes over and rests a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. I know I look up at her with sadness and regret in my eyes. Great now they are filling with tears and I feel Janet pulling me into a friendly hug. 

"I am sorry Janet." I say hoping she believes me.

"I know you are," She pulls back and looks at me. "No go fix your eyes and we will go."

"Yeah." I say as I take one last look in the mirror and head back to my vanity.

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Everything will work out, you know that right?" 

Sure fine you betcha, Janet.

We arrive at the bar just outside of town, it's one of Daniel's finds. I am not really sure what to expect, but hey it's a night away from base with my closest friends. I don't really care where we go.

As Janet and I pull into the parking lot we notice Jack's jeep and Daniel's truck as well. I can see the smile on Janet's face as we pull up next to Daniel's car and park. I know she is falling for him, I can see it.

I know I know call it women's intuition. 

I am glad they are here already, at this point I hope they got a table and ordered something. I am starved, and I hate waiting.

As we walk in Janet spots them and we make our way over to them. Teal'c is the first one to notice us.

"MajorCarter, DoctorFraiser." He says in well, only as Teal'c can, as he nods his head. Always so formal, I wonder if he will ever change?

With that Daniel and Jack turn around. I am nit sure what's wrong with Janet and myself, but they are sitting there with their mouths open. If they don't shut them they are going to attract flies. My grandmother says told me that for some reason.

My memory ends as I feel Janet pulling me towards the table. As I notice everyone making room for us, I feel almost a bit out of place for some reason. 

I watch as Janet moves to sit next to Daniel. I wonder how much I am going to be left to my own defenses tonight, probably too much from what I can tell. Daniel has already engrossed her into some sort of conservation that was meant for only them to hear. 

I look down at the only open chair, and for what it's worth it is right next to Jack. Figures. 

For some reason as soon as I sit down all the hesitation I have is gone.

Did he actually do that to me?

I glance over at Daniel and Janet just joined the rest of us in our conservation. They look so happy together, sitting there close, Daniel holding Janet's hand, both smiling.

I wish life were so easy.

The evening progressed nicely dinner was wonderful. I will have to remember this place for future reference. We all talked until the wee hours of the morning. Janet had Daniel had since gotten up and the makeshift dance floor and were now dancing together. He was holding her closely, one arm around her waist, the other holding hers closely to his chest. As if she were protecting everything he held dear or vice versa.

I have no clue how long I was watching them. Life could be so unfair; but then again I choose this path in life.

Suddenly I feel someone gently trying to get my attention by putting a hand on my lower arm. As I smile I look up to find the owner, realizing it's Jack my features warm to him.

He asks me to dance. I can tell he is unsure about everything as I am. We are both career military, we could get into a lot of trouble. My gaze drifts to Janet and Daniel, and I smile again. 

I know I shouldn't have accepted but I gently put my hand in his as we made our way to the dance floor. I look back at Teal'c, who is sitting at the table still, I feel bad for him for some reason. But my thoughts are definitely interrupted when Jack rests his warm hands on the sides of my waist and pulls me closer to him, his eyes never leaving mine. I watched him for the longest time, as we danced together, neither one of us saying anything.

Until he broke the silence.

"Sam?"

One word, how can it bring out so many emotions all at once?

"Yeah?" I answer looking up at him.

I watch the emotions play over his face, its like he was trying to decide on what to say to me.

"Do you, ah…" He trails off, pointing to where Janet and Daniel as still, well dancing, if you want to call it that. I glance over his shoulder and look at them and smile at the picture Janet and Daniel make.

"Sure" I say and start to make my way past him. I have no idea why, but as I brushed past him, Jack reached out and grabbed my hand then followed me. 

I have no idea how long we danced together; I lost track of time. I guess standing here in Jack's arms, close to each other like this.

Okay get my mind off this topic, we can't do this.

I look up at him then, I can see what he is thinking. Well I can see what he is thinking, it looks like he is remembering something, although I am not sure what that is.

I have to ask. I can't help it.

"What are you thinking?"

He just looks at me and pulls me closer.

"Did something happen….you know…in the time loop?"

We are just inches from each other at this point and I can't get my attention away from his lips for some reason, I just want…but can I?

As I close my eyes to relish in this feeling when his lips meet mine for the briefest of touches. I shiver; somehow I remember this feeling.

I don't want this to end, but in the back of my mind I know it has to. We can't do this.

Slowly I open my eyes and my eyes fill with tears, I know what I see there, I feel the same.

We can't do this.

I reach up and run a finger down his cheek to his jaw and then drop my hand. 

I am sorry Jack.

I let go of his hands and pull away, we can't do this.

I turn and walk past Janet and Daniel, well actually I walked right into them, I didn't even say sorry, I just turned and left.

We can't do this. Its not allowed.

Somehow some day I will be okay.

   [1]: mailto:KrisCatherine@stargatesg-1.com



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